Monday, 21 January 2013

Goodness Me.......

Have I really left it that long?



Forgive me.......

I was planning the see the New Year in with a post, and it looks like my first one is happening almost at the end of the month.



The start to this year has been somewhat of a hectic one.



Firstly.....

Did you all have a good Christmas and New Year?



For me, as you may know by now, I have grown to dread the Christmas build up. I had really come to loathe it actually. Ridiculous really, and I need to snap out of it and make sure I actually get to enjoy November and December of this year more. 



This past Christmas was a weird one for me. A HUGE mixture of emotions.



A Christmas week of laughing so much....and so hard.......I could hardly breath. Laughing at almost everything, all day.....for a week. It's good to laugh, it's good for the soul. 



So, after a couple of months of being a bah humbug, the Christmas 'Joy' finally hit me and I loved it. I loved being with family, I loved the screeching excited noises of the children, I loved being able to have a glass of wine during the day and not feel guilty as the only movement I would be doing was walking from one room to another and the occasional walk along a beach front.



So 'Laughter' is one word I associate with this past Christmas. Also, 'Sadness' is a word that tags on to it. I received news after Boxing day that my Grandmother had passed away. My only Grandparent left. In truth, at being told the news, I just felt relief really more than sadness at the time. 

My Grandfather had passed away 7 years ago, and it's fair to say she stopped 'living' then. It's a hard thing to see someone you love just lose the will to want to be around on this earth. In the past couple of years I have gone through all sorts of emotions, sadness, love, frustration, anger and guilt. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to make an effort to enjoy her family, her grandchildren......... her great-grandchildren. She had spent her life NEVER being ill. At 95 she was totally with it still mentally. She had worked as a secretary for a company until the grand old age of 80. Even then, she didn't want to retire, but thought she should, even though her company still wanted her. 

The joy of life stopped for her the day her husband died. She stopped caring about making herself meals and moving about. She lost weight and her joints started to cease up. The doctors were frustrated with her..... I was frustrated with her. Through 2011, she was hardly eating a thing and it became clear that being at home wasn't an option. It's one of those decisions that is always quite a heartbreaking one to have to make. She went into a Care Home at the beginning of 2012 and decided that she wanted to eat even less and not move at all. Visiting her was shocking, heartbreaking and I'd come away feeling angry with her for just giving up. Being so mentally with it, and all her organs proving that, even under the strain of what she was putting her body through, they were just not ready to give up on her, why, why, why didn't she make the effort? Of course, then the guilt came. I understood that, even though her body could have gone on and on, and she could have had a really great amount of years still ahead of her if she had wanted, but, she just didn't want to. I had to accept that. I found it hard, and have struggled with it......but I learnt at the end to accept it. So...............I was relieved to hear the news. I was relieved to hear she was no longer in pain. That she was no longer living a life that was in fact, just an existance. That once more, she was was seeing her husband. I was relieved that I could start to remember her again as the woman who made my face light up. The woman who helped to make me the person I am today. I don't think she ever really realised just what an influence she had on me. My love of most things were through my experiences of them through her as a child.

Moving on, also, Christmas was a tad different this year, as at the beginning of the New Year there was a Family Wedding. Mr H was Best Man to one of his Brothers. So, I think wedding fever was hitting us all over Christmas. Although, whoever had the idea of having a Wedding STRAIGHT after Christmas needs their head testing! I tried to be good, and I think I was considering I was staying in a house that had food on the go 24 hours a day for a whole week. Let's just say, that outfit finding and fitting was VERY last minute.

It was a beautiful Wedding. The bride looked awesome.





So.....the start to January saw a week taken up with a Wedding Fever.......Then a week taken up with Funeral arrangements and a Funeral.......Then A week full of Hospital visits visiting my mum who had knee replacement surgery. Then snow. 



Okay, so i'm up to date. It's almost February and I feel like i'm just officially ready to pay full attention to this year ahead. I still have bags to unpack and a few christmas dec boxes still to put away but i'm getting there! WOO HOO!

I haven't even mentioned any makes. Well, that's because I haven't even really begun to make anything. Well, I whipped a scarf up in a couple of evenings as the odd scraps of yarn were bugging me and I needed to make use of them with some quick project. 



But that's it. I still have about 3 projects to finish off, and i'm hoping that February will allow me to do that. I will just say though, that there is a new magazine out by the makers of Mollie Makes. It's called Simply Crochet. Issue one is out this month and there might be a teeny tiny sneaky little mention of Coco Rose Diaries and the Hot Water Bottle post in there. click here and get a little preview of what the magazine has to offer. And, whilst i'm on that subject, it's great to see so many of you feeling the hot water bottle love too! Phew, my VERY loose tutorial was easy enough to follow and adapt and it's been so great to see so many being made and shown on IG. I still cannot get enough, and here in the UK, it's definitely cold enough to make use out of them!

I do have my list though of what I aim to complete for this year, and let me tell you, the list is pretty big! Arrrggggghhhhh! Should be fun though!

So, Watch this space!

Hopefully I will be back really shortly!

Have the most beautiful day all!

xxx

P. S the pics were a montage of the last year both here and through Instagram. It's been a colourful year!

55 comments:

  1. I'm sorry for your loss, but in your words I can read that your grandmother lives in your heart. I don't have any grandparents left, and also my parents are gone. But not really gone, they have made us to who we are today and we cherish every moment with them. Your pictures are really beautyful, all those bright colors. Let the rest of the year be as colorful as that ! x Syl
    p.s. sorry if my English isn't perfect, I'm trying :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish I had half of your talent, lovely girl! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's fantastic to see your post appearing as if by magic today, Vanessa! And a beautiful one it is too; I can only imagine how long it must have taken you to write it as indeed there have been a lot of things happening in your world.

    I wish you a fabulous New Year and I love your springlike header.

    Stephanie

    ReplyDelete
  4. Im so sorry to hear of your nans struggle in the past few years i can understand where she was coming from after losing the love and meaning of her life it must be heart breaking to share so many years and create so many loving memories with them and then for them to leave you. I can also understand how you felt also and its must have been a very tricky thing all round. But the memories you have of her and in the happy years are what you should hold dear to your heart. Such wonderful photo's you have given us to smile about on this cold day. Sounds like a wonderful wedding. I myself got married 10 days before christmas just gone and im still floating on air it was a truely magical day and one that i will hold very dear. Congratulations to your brother. Look forward to seeing your finished projetcs your scarf looks really pretty, dee x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. They are special and what she taught you will always be with you.
    Beautiful, uplifting pics, thank you. xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. So much colors this photos!
    Hope everything if fine with you :)

    Kisses

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my, this is a gorgeous post! So colourful, so full of lovely goodies. A true eye candy.
    Hope all is well with you and 2013 have started as you planned.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lovely uplifting pics in such a cold climate at the moment! A lovely blog.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So sorry to hear about your Grandma but I know that time has a wonderful way of helping us to remember the happy times and it sounds like you are already on your way. Your photos are lovely - what a blast of colour - they brought a real smile to my face!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow, bijna een boek om te lezen, wat lief dat je ons mee laat beleven, jammer, maar ook gelukkig voor oma, een mooi bruiloft, een fijne kerst, goeie oud en nieuw, arme moeder met een nieuwe knie,
    blik vooruit op het nieuwe jaar 2013, VEEL GELUK, het wordt mooi, want je leeft, bruist van energie, dus je gaat ons mee laten genieten, maak er wat moois van!!!!
    Tineke
    bollies53.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm sorry for your loss. I look forward one day to being a grandmother myself and hope to be as special as mine were to me. Your photos are beautiful and I LOVE the spring flowers header. And that wedding dress... made me want to get married all over again, it looks beautiful. Hope 2013 is good for you. Julie x

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother....she will live forever in your heart mine does....
    Daisy x

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sorry to hear such sad news xx

    I do love your colourful pictures - a real lift when the world seems to be monochrome at the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  14. So sorry to hear about your Grandmother, my Mother is just like that, She has given up and resides in a nursing home, but there is no real reason for her to be there. It is sad, but your Grandmother had a wonderful life and that is reason to think of her with love and joy.
    Hugs,
    MEredith

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm sorry to read about your grandmother. I understand that your emotions at the moment are very mixed. Sadness and grief, but also acceptance and relief all together make a strong mix. Just take the time you need to sort your emotions out, however it sounds like you're already on the way :)

    Love your photographs btw! They look very dreamy to me, as another year flewn by :)

    Love, Kirsten

    ReplyDelete
  16. You never disappoint in the color department.....I'm sorry to hear about your grandma's attitude toward life....that would be hard, when you and your precious family were all still here. Sometimes as people get older there such a mystery.....I'm dealing with this with my own family! Hugs to you and your little bears, Heidi

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and I truly understand your feelings. I sadly lost my mum 2 years ago - quite suddenly, and my Dad just broke. There are no other words to explain it. I was always a daddy's girl and I know my parents loved me to bits but without my mum life wasn't worth living and then 2 months later I suddenly lost him. I take huge comfort knowing there together again. And I know your grandparents are watching over you with happiness being together again. Now next ...oooohhh lovely lovely images, thank you for the smile they've given me. I'm determined to learn to crochet this year so ill keep a look out for the magazine

    ReplyDelete
  18. Perfect pictures for what is supposed to be the 'bluest' of Mondays! Oh wow, I love looking at your blog!
    So sorry to read of your grandma's passing. I know how you feel with regards to the relief. The only thing I would say is to grieve if you can. I do believe that I felt so much relief after my dad died, after several years with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's that the grief never happened and, with hindsight I do wonder if that was the start of my clinical depression.
    Beautiful wedding dress...I think winter weddings are so romantic, particularly if there's a smattering of snow!
    Here's to 2013, Vanessa! Have a good one!
    Z xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sorry to hear about your grandmother, I lost my uncle Boxing day too :O)I hope 2013 can be full of happier times. xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. I always find that saddness and laughter always sit side be side together...I suppose it's what make things, memories and coping a little easier in life. I'm sorry to here about your loss... your writings and photographs share what is special in your life. Hoping the next few months are undemanding for you and your family. X

    ReplyDelete
  21. Gorgeous Gorgeous photos!! I enjoyed looking at all those yummy pictures! I love all your granny squares, so pretty! Pretty wedding dress!! So sorry to hear about your grandma's passing.
    Happy 2013,
    xo Holly

    ReplyDelete
  22. so sorry to hear your news,lovely article and i have a copy of the simply crochet mag so will look for you i'm afraid i skimmed through it and saw the lampshade cover and started to make it!!if possible where did you get the button cup and saucer would it still be available?hope you have a good year ahead x

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sorry to read about your sad news. Gorgeous photos looking forward to seeing what you make next.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. She must have really loved her husband so much. I understand exactly what you went through. My father died at the age of 94. But he had just given up on life. He had been lived his life to the full, travelled a lot and had seen many things. He had simply become tired of living. And the frustration and guilt at not being able to do anything to change the situation was very hard to bear. As with you and your Gran, knowing that he was finally happy made his passing that little bit easier.
    You wrote such a beautiful post and I bet that your Grandmother is watching and feeling very proud of you and your obvious talent.
    Take care of yourself,
    Rosie

    ReplyDelete
  25. Your writing about your Grandmother reminded me so much of the last years of my Grandad's life after my Granny died when it began to feel like he was losing his will to live. He said that he found mealtimes difficult because he'd eaten 3 meals a day (he worked near enough to home that he came home for lunch) with Granny for over 50 years, so to sit across from an empty chair every day must have been hard. Anyway, your words were beautiful and moving, and your photographs as beautiful as ever. I'm looking forward to seeing what you're going to make next. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  26. So sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. I lost my gran 2 years ago - almost to the day. She was an elderly 99 and almost to her dying day, was mentally alert. She too had been a big influence throughout my life, and I miss her almost daily. However, I think in the end she was tired of living, and the effort every day entailed. Perhaps it was selfish of me to want her to keep living? I don't think life was too much fun for her in the end. But she has left some great memories of times together, and hopefully I have learned from her wisdom. Hopefully, you will look back with a smile when the pain is less raw, I know I do.
    Happy crafting through 2013 x

    ReplyDelete
  27. It's good to read from you again!! Your photos are as stunning as always!
    Sorry to hear about your grandmother...

    ReplyDelete
  28. Im so sorry about your Grandmother, sending you lots of hugs. Hope that Feb is a better month & life starts to calm down.

    Love your photos, absolutely beautiful. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love the photos - and the bride does look fantastic.

    So sorry to hear about your Gran. X

    ReplyDelete
  30. I sympathise totally with you about your Grandmother, as everything you describe matches my own Grandmother. I still miss her terribly and kept telling her she would live to be 100 but she just didn't want to. Keep thinking of all the happy memories and how happy she is free from worldy problems and reunited with her husband.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am so sorry the loss of your grandmother ....
    My grandmother died at 92 years and she always gave me good advice ...
    the grandmothers are great ...
    You have a lovely blog full of color!
    This year I also follow attentively!
    Kisses fron Catalunya!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm sorry for your loss, dear, but seeing the circumstances, I am also glad for you as well (as odd as that is a thing to say) - getting to finally have the good memories instead of seeing the sad parts is sometimes a lovely thing.
    Glad to have you back, of course, you have been missed! And very glad you finally got some Christmas Joy of your own. :) xoxo, Jess

    ReplyDelete
  33. So much to be overwhelmed with, for sure. Sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. I bet she DID know how influencial she was on you. Grandmothers have a way of just knowing...
    Maureen

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm sorry for your loss (and also offer condolences to the other commenters grieving losses right now). Grandparents are so special. I'm glad there was much joy the past month, as well.

    Much Love,

    Val

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's lovely to see a big newsy and colourful post from you. I'm so sorry about you Grandmother. It must have been an extremely difficult time for you and your family and obviously your Grandmother was grieving so much for her husband, one she must have loved passionately.
    I hope you have a good year despite the heartaches of the 2012, that you can create, achieve, grow and be at peace.
    Thinking of you,
    Anne xx

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wow such a colorful post , full of beautiful pics. The brides dress is stunning, really lovely, I adore weddings.
    I'm so sorry about your gran, she sounded like an incredible woman, a life to be celebrated, bless her.
    Hope this year is a great one for you
    Karen x

    ReplyDelete
  37. So sorry to hear the news of your Grandmother, but it sounds like she will be happily meeting up with another star and they will both be shining down on you.
    Your blog and pictures are beautiful & the mention in SC is well deserved, congrats!
    Happy New Year and here's to a wonderful 2013
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  38. So sorry to hear your news but I very much understand that feeling of relief too. It was lovely to see you in Simply Crochet, I have one of your covers on my to do list! Enjoying your photos. Hugs xx

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hello my name is Heidi. :)

    So sorry to hear of your sad news,and happy to hear of your happiness and relief. Thank you for sharing your raw feelings, it is so refreshing to see.
    I absolutely love your blog, your photos, your work, just lovely!

    ReplyDelete
  40. So sad to hear your news about your grandmother. It's such a common thing to see though, when one spouse dies, the other half dies inside and just becomes a shell. I understand your feeling of relief on her moving onto the next world.

    I loved seeing your mosaics. It reminded me of why I follow your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. So sorry to hear about your grandmother, sounds like you have some lovely happy memories of her.

    Great photos, we love reading your posts. x

    ReplyDelete
  42. Crazy month! I love the wedding dress and am now fantasizing about all the sugary confections... nom, nom, nom

    ReplyDelete
  43. Sorry to hear about your Grandmother. My Grandma died a month after my Grandpa because I think she just couldn't go on without him. So sad but sort of sweet and a relief for her. Loved looking at all your mosaics today. You take some beautiful colourful pictures. I love that Wedding dress too. Happy New Year! Fiona x

    ReplyDelete
  44. So sorry to hear your sad news. I wish I had been older when I lost my grandparents - so much I would have asked them or talked to them about. Can you let me know what yarns you used (make and shades) for the granny squares in your sixth set of photos - the one to the right of the Marshmallow fluff photo? They are such a beautiful combination! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rosy, I hope you check back to find this, as you are a no-reply blogger so I cannot reply directly to you through email. Gosh, i'm afraid I cannot give you the exact names and makes of the yarns, as I was just using up what was in my stash, and most of them didn't have any bands on them. They were cheap acrylic mix dk yarns though. A mixture of makes in the colours that I thought worked well together that I had in my stash. If I do big blankets, I use cheap acrylic mix yarns. This way, they don't turn out expensive, they can be used and abused by my children and I won't cry if they fall apart then! I use the more luxurious yarn for smaller items and it seems to work out well like that. I know stylecraft is used by many as it's cheap, feels nice worked up and comes in an array of bright colours. Deramores stock it. I hope this helps a little, sorry I couldn't have been of better help! x

      Delete
    2. Hi! yes checked back! I love Stylecraft yarns, they are such good quality for a "budget" yarn. Thought it was worth asking you in case you had kept a note of the yarns used (as I keep intending to!) I must figure out how to be a "reply blogger" too, I don't have a blog of my own (something else I keep thinking about). Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I will go on the hunt for similar colours as they work beautifully together! x

      Delete
  45. hellooo lovely Vanessa, sooo lovely to see your posty- thanks also for the email~ i will type back when i get a chance, been down with the lurgy and lifes taken over, but just want you to know i really did appreciate it, thanks my sweet xxxx love all your photos, you really should make a style home book it would be a big seller im sure!
    your instagram images are always so pretty n colourful!!!!!~ really brighten up a grey devon day at the moment! ;0)x

    ReplyDelete
  46. Oh me oh my...I can't stop looking at your lovely photos...pure joy.
    Sorry to hear about your loss....it is such a hard thing.
    Take care and can't wait to see what you make next! xo

    ReplyDelete
  47. Great to see your blog post with all your fab photos of your makes and snippets of your home! Sincere condolences for the loss of your grandmother. I truly wish for you to have a happy New year! Looking forward to your next post! They do brighten up my day and bring me much inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  48. So nice to see you have a blog too!

    Cat from Raspberry Rainbow on IG :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Welcome back! It's a joy to see your colourful photo's again :-) So sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    Take care!

    Have a lovely Sunday,

    Madelief x

    ReplyDelete
  50. Lovely to see you back again, Vanessa! Your photos are a true delight, I just love them all, and the styling and colours are wonderful! I am so sorry about the loss of your grandma....I know that sometimes when people become very old and especially when they have lost a loved spouse, they no longer seem to have an interest in life any more and when they go it's a relief and a blessing......and you can then remember all the very special things about them, the things they taught you that you will never forget and the happy memories of them you will always carry with you.
    Hope this year is a very happy one for you with lots of laughter.
    Helen x

    ReplyDelete
  51. What a ride you've been on. I'm sorry about your Grandmother but understand the emotions that you go through in that situation. Here's to a late, fresh start.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hi Vanessa, so sorry to hear about what your Grandmother went through, I know how painful it is as we're going through very similar with my lovely Nan too. My Grandad passed away 8 years or so ago and all she's ever wanted was to have him back. I'm just pleased that they both (my Nan and yours) had someone in their life that they loved *that* much... must be a wonderful feeling in a strange kind of way. Keep on loving and laughing sweet lady xx

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hi Vanessa, I haven't commented before but I'm a longtime reader. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I understand your mixture of emotions, both in her final months and in the wake of her death. It's very frustrating to watch someone you love in decline and seemingly uncaring about it. I know the feeling all too well. I enjoyed this post so much otherwise; the photos are gorgeous and your work is phenomenal. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

❀ Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I read each and every one. I know that time is precious so I really do appreciate it when you take the time. If you ask me a question, I will do my best to reply here in the comments section. Just pop back in a day or two and I hopefully will have replied. ❀