Dear You,
Yes......it has been a year.
Yes....it feels weird now. I'm not sure what I am doing. I'm not sure you reading this, when you finally get to read it.....re-read it, what you will make of it. You might laugh....and think 'Ness, you IDIOT', or you might be a little happy that you thought to jot a few things down. After all, you could be reading this when you are ninety......hey, you might even be grateful your younger self thought to do this.
..........
So.......it's been a year since you closed this little space. Twelve months of you being away. Twelve whole months when so much has happened, yet so little has happened.
I'll remind you that you decided you had nothing left in you to write about. I'll remind you that you thought it was a little repetitive. I'll remind you that you needed to stop.......and just be still.
I will remind you, that you thought this was a naff idea to write a post after you had 'closed' your blog. I will remind you that you wondered why you should not just buy a diary and write in it, then shove it to the back of a drawer. I'll remind you, that you thought you might cave and press 'delete' quite a few times. I'll remind you, that if your younger self actually published it, it was to do with the fact that she was scatty and thought it was best to have everything in one place where it could be located. Plus, in a brief wave of abandonment, you thought it was your blog and you could do what you liked with it.
..........
I will remind you that 2016 was a difficult year, in so many ways, and for so many people. It was a year in which so many people felt scared and uncertain. It was a year when so many people felt like they didn't know anything anymore. It was a year in which so many felt like they were standing on quick sand, and not firm rock.
It was a year when there was so much more bad news in the world than there was good. It was a year when people just wanted to hide away from it all. It was a year, quite frankly, a lot of people were happy to draw a line under and move on from. I'll remind you, that you found it weird, that you didn't meet anyone who thought it had been an okay year....if not in the bigger picture, not even in their own little bubble of achievements. You were sure there must have been though.
I shall remind you that, for you, this was a strange year. A year that you felt you needed to hibernate. A year long hibernation. A year where your creative juices really didn't flow. A year where you felt you were totally spent, and just needed to re-group.
I'll remind you that you sucked at housework and ironing. I'll remind you that you enjoyed reading books again, and I'll remind you that you always need to be in the right frame of mind to decorate.
I will remind you that you that although your creative juices just sort of stopped, it was the year of embroidery for you, and you spurted those out in the vain hope that it would jolt you back in the game. Whilst you liked the embroidered outcomes, and the speediness of them, they did not jolt you sadly. It was only in the final weeks of 2016 that you picked up your hook to see if the crochet love was still there.
I will remind you that 2016 was the year of reflection and procrastination. Not that it was any different to all the years before when you were like that, but because you seemed to have nothing to show for the year (creatively speaking), it appeared that the year was a wash out.
Having said that......
I shall remind you that your three bears have spent 2016 blossoming, and you write about them with huge pride and love. Big Bear started college and turned into the gentleman you always knew he would become. You find it funny his most treasured friend is a can of hairspray, but you love how he doesn't want to shove you to one side when you are both walking down the street and he sees his mates.
I shall remind you that Middle Bear is way too funny. I shall remind you that he is the best person to have at the dinner table, and I shall remind you that 2016 was the year the hormones settled down and you realised just how amazing he was when he was not grunting. You also realised what great bear hugs he gave.
I shall remind you that Baby Bear is super. I shall remind you that everyday when he comes out of school he asks how you day was, way before he tells you about his day. I will remind you that he loves to do stuff to put a smile on your face, and I will remind you that this was the year that the Three Bears bickered the least!
I will remind you that 2016 told you, yet again, how fragile life could be. I will remind you that it felt tough being an adult when you still, at times, felt like a child in your head. I will also remind you that you realised that you just couldn't solve everything for everyone. Sometimes you just had to be there, and that was enough.
I'll remind you that early morning cups of tea with the fairy lights twinkling on the Christmas tree in a quiet house, is one of the best things EVER. I shall remind you that you are never too young for kids birthdays cakes AND I shall also remind you that you were so glad you discovered double cleansing (how's that working out for you? Is it paying off?!)
I shall also remind you dearest Ness, that you decided that whatever 2017 had in store for you, you felt ready to wake up from your hibernation, well rested and have a productive and creative year ahead.
Vanessa, I hope you will look on this post, when you do, and remember all that which you have forgotten. A post about your year. Maybe, if you have it in you, you'll post again next year to remember 2017. I guess it's nice to remember....the good....and even the not so good. There is always something to be learned from everything one experiences.
Until next time....maybe x
