......So......
....many of you, who follow me on Instagram too, have noticed that I have said goodbye to my account.
It's been on the cards for a while, I have toyed with the idea of saying goodbye. I adore taking photos. I'm not terribly good at it, but I love it all the same. That is what has kept me on there. I've also met some wonderful people.
This recent bout of restlessness has made me realise that I need to slow down and rediscover who I am. I've been waking up recently and not even knowing myself. I mean, in the sense that, I just think i've lost sight of who I am deep down. It's pretty much the hardest thing to describe actually and i'm struggling to get it down on this virtual paper. What I am on here, on this blog, IS me. I'm not trying to pretend to be something i'm not. Admittedly, I only share the 'better' bits. I don't want a warts and all blog that shows me at my worst first thing in the mornings, or all the washing piles, or grubby finger marks. That is the 'con' of being selective on ones blog, people thinking your life is perfect. I would hope that most would realise why the pretty stuff is on here, but there are many, i'm sure, that think my life is like this 24/7.
If you were to ever meet me in real life, i'm sure i'd be a terrible let down. I'm the most terribly shy person you were to ever meet. I still get freaked out sometimes when I think of being on here. I have received the most wonderful emails from people during my blogging time. They have really blown me away with their kind words, but, I am always left thinking....'are they actually talking about me?'. I'm nothing special, little old me. I love what I love, I love to make what I make, but it's not brilliant......i'm not brilliant. I still find it somewhat hard to believe that people read what I have to say and like what pictures I take. I still don't get it. I don't understand why people would take 5 minutes out of their day to take a dip into my world, but am always humbled when people take the time to say that they look forward to a post. You strange lot!
But, as much as I enjoy 'virtually' connecting with other people on here, essentially, this blog was started for myself and to please me, not anyone else. I needed to escape the dull and the mundane, and remind myself that when I am snowed under with washing piles, dirty dishes, and bears who think I am the worst person in the world, there is still pretty and sunshine in my life. It was a way of remembering this and reminding myself that, although, it never, ever, felt like it.......I did actually manage to achieve something every month.
I am real. I don't have a perfect life. I am constantly striving to be everything to everyone....and often failing miserably. There are never enough hours in the day. I started this blog at a time in my life when I was drowning. It was my saviour, and I owe it a lot.
But I feel as though i've lost my way a bit.
Technology is such a wonderful thing and it can be terribly inspiring, but I feel as though it's influencing me too much. When I worked in a shop, day in and day out, you would start to get obsessed with new stock arriving. When you were in the bubble you didn't see it and you rode the waves with all the others and bought stuff. Step out of the bubble and you wonder why the hell you got so excited about stuff. If I didn't work there, it wouldn't be the shop i'd shop in by choice. The clothes weren't made for people like me, nothing fitted right and the clothes didn't really express the 'real' me. I stepped away from it and started to be more how I wanted to be rather than being swept away in the bubble. It felt so good to think that I was becoming 'me' again.
I'm conscious i'm rambling and nothing is making sense, but I guess what i'm trying to say is, the internet is doing the same thing to me. I'm sweeping along with it and i'm forgetting what makes ME tick. I desperately want to spend a bit of time finding 'me' again. Not feeling influenced, not feeling pressured, just slowing down and remembering what it is that I love with a passion, what I need in my life that will give me a sense of self calm.
So, I guess what I'm saying is I will be away for a while. I don't know how long. I have had so many conversations with myself as to whether this little corner of blogging land has run its course. It may well have done. I don't want to be hasty, but I need time away from technology to be me again for a bit.
I hope you all understand.
I really am fine.
No massive dramas.
I think as I am approaching a new decade in my life, it just has really got me thinking how I am wanting the next decade to be. I just want to start it, feeling like i've come back to myself. I think that would be the greatest birthday gift I could give to myself.
If you've managed to get to the end of this........brownie points to you! Sorry for the rambling. It's hard to express. I hope I made a little sense.
xxx
