Monday, 24 March 2014

I Was Thinking.....




...the other day, how much I am glad to have this little space here. 

I have been a blogger for 5 years now. It's a funny little relationship. I have had my ups and downs with it. I have blogged until I have felt exhausted. I have taken a break and gotten out of the blogging habit. It has been my friend, and on the odd occasion, my foe.

Having said all this, just thinking, that in years to come, I can look back at this little space of mine.....and just remember. Remember what my life was like day to day. Remember how I thought, what I did, what I made. 

Granted, this blog is mainly for the nicer parts of my life. The day to day taxi service, washer upper, laundry maid, referee, cook, cleaner and general skivvy isn't something I like to dwell on here. I'm hoping that in years to come, the Bears will appreciate all of this, as they sure as heck don't at the moment. But, such is life. I know all too soon the nest will be empty, and a part of me too will feel empty....and bereft of what once was. 

I treat every new phase as a new season in life. I look in the mirror and wonder when the wrinkles came. They seemed to have appeared over night. My face looks wiser now. I stare into my eyes and I can see that there are a lot of stories in there already. I'm happy with that. The good and the bad. They have all made me 'me', and I think (well, I HOPE) i'm a pretty decent person because of it. 

I've learnt to feel more content in myself. After spending so many years wishing I could be more like the next person. More outgoing, more in control of things, less idiotic in my ways, I am more accepting of who I am now, and that has calmed me and made me happier. I am who I am. If I was asked to describe myself in one word it would have to be 'awkward'. Awkward in every sense. Ten years ago, it would have been a word I would have said, and cringed that I would have thought it would have summed me up.....but today, I don't mind it being my one word. I have grown to completely love individuality. 

I do have struggles with it. For such a person as me, who has spent most of my life trying not to be noticed, to be really me, can often mean to stand out a little. I like bright, I like quirky. I don't like plain and mundane. I was getting out my car a short while ago on the school run, and a lady, who was also a mum on the school run stopped back a little to speak to me. I didn't know her. I had seen her face around but her children weren't in my childs' year, so I didn't 'know' her. She said to me out of the blue 'I notice you everyday'. I think my face must have said it all. I looked alarmed. I was thinking.....'Do I walk with my skirt tucked in my knickers?'......'Do I look like a Clown?'. Sensing my alarm, the woman put me at ease. She told me, she always noticed I was wearing a nice coat and a different scarf. I felt embarrassed and awkward. I wanted to curl up on that spot I was on. I wanted to reach for the nearest black raincoat and black scarf. I didn't want to be noticed. I didn't want someone to see me daily and make a mental note of it. I know, ridiculous isn't it. I realised how silly I was and that I should just man up. I blushed, stumbled a bit, then thanked her for her compliment. We exchanged a few words about an unhealthy scarf making habit and on we went.

Blogging opened up a lot for me. It enabled me to meet some truly wonderful people. People whom, in the real world, I never would have met otherwise. It enabled the shyness barrier not to be a problem, and it was heavenly to meet those with a likewise creative mind.

I am thankful for this space here. I am thankful I can record my life. I am thankful I can interact with such wonderful people. I am thankful it has allowed me to really be me and allowed me to carry on doing so in a way that works well for me.

It's a shame that so many past bloggers have given up. I know many now have made the full leap to Instagram, but i'm so glad i'm here. I'm glad i'm not just snapping, but talking too. Reminding myself what I am like in words. It'll be so good to look back on. I'm actually looking forward to it in years to come!


xxx


77 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing and being so open. I know it can be hard, but somehow liberating on this "little" world of web. I can certainly appreciate and understand the "awkward" stance. I am very much like that - but i manage to cover it up in public...i can BS my way though most things - luckily i can be myself at home, with those i love and are closest to me - otherwise it would be exhausting! If you are "awkward" - then you certainly dont come across that way on blogland! - here you are "together", and of course, safe x

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    1. I would LOVE to be able to BS my way through most things! I need some tips! ha ha!

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  2. I am glad Vanessa that didn't give up blogging completely. I like your blog not just for the lovely pictures or wonderful things you make but how sometimes you just write things how it is with you. I like and admire that a lot. It is such a shame a lot of bloggers have given up or just use histogram (never really got into that to be honest). There is a lot to be said for written communication I think.

    I have had my struggles with blogging over the years too, even opening up a new one, I still struggle I will be honest finding time and motivation as blogging has always been about communication for me and that seems to be a thing that is sporadic at best in blog land. But that said I like looking back over the years it's a great way to remember things.

    In regards to the lady that stopped you to compliment you how lovely, the world would be a more nicer place if things like that happened more often.

    Hope you finding your home after all the decorating! Have a lovely week.



    P x

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    1. I think it's just nice to know that you have something to look back on and it will be nice to remember x

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  3. Hi Vanessa
    Lovely post .... and clearly your Blog is a huge part of who you are !
    I strongly believe that without a creative outlet we cannot be fully rounded people, we all need that time for ourselves. I totally agree that blogging is not only such a lovely way to look back, but a whole little world of inspiration and a meeting of like minded souls.
    Have a good week,
    Kate x

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    1. It's really lovely to see how others create and how they manage their time and lives to incorporate it. It's a lovely little world. x

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  4. it's great to hear that you feel on an even keel with blogging and are enjoying your relationship with it! it feels as though an ease has come over you and that you now know that you can negotiate through it and come out okay, still being you, even with all the ups and downs of life over the last five years. Still sharing the things which keep you going and the journey and some very beautiful crochet! Heather x

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    1. Heather, It's a lovely thing to keep popping into! x

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  5. Thank you for bringing me back down to earth. I have that very problem of trying to be a better or even a different me. A lot of "friends" put me down for things and I'm often trying to be the next person, as you described it. Thing is, I'm also realising that some "friends" aren't that at all, and many more people in my life do love me as I am. I should too! Awkward would definitely be close to my own word, but I'm pretty happy so I guess it can't be such a bad thing!

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    1. Hi Emma,

      It's always nice to know there are others feeling the same way as you, makes you feel normal! x

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  6. Hello Vanessa,
    What a lovely post!! I'm glad you feel much happier with blogging at the moment. I don't have a blog but I try to participate in some blogs with comments etc as I like the idea of a blogland community and I hope that bloggers want their readers to interact with them.
    I really admire and respect people who blog and are so generous with their sharing (of their life stories, patterns, ideas, recipes etc..). Sometimes I think about the idea of becoming a blogger myself but I am quite a private person and am not sure whether I would ever have the guts to do it - it's such a brave thing to do.... but it would be so lovely to keep a record of the daily life for posterity, for the kids to read when they are older etc...
    Anyway, I am glad you are still here, writing and sharing your "ackwardness", which I don't see at all.... perhaps we are equally ackward.....he, he...!!
    Have a sweet day,
    Pati x

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    1. Pati,

      You should take the plunge and write a blog. It doesn't even have to be public, just for your own records, or something for your children to read when they are a bit older. Thank you though for leaving comments, I do appreciate that you have taken the time too x

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  7. Did I write this? Sounds like what is going through my brain too....Exactaly!! :)

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  8. xx Thank you for sticking with your blog. I love it!

    MaDonna
    MeMaDonna.com

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  9. Ha Libbie Doyle, I also thought this is exactly something I would write... altho I am less nice scarf and more wearing odd shoes or coat belt trailing behind me sort of person that sticks out at the school gates! I was asked this morning by my boss is everything ok? did I get soaked? I had no idea what she was talking about until I looked in the mirror and realised my 'casually scrunched' hair look wasn't really working so well! Lovely post as ever Vanessa.

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    1. He he we are soul sisters too it would appear! x

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  10. Blah blah blah.... I hate coming to a craft blog and reading about this kind of emotional nonsense. Play the worlds smallest violin...

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    1. ha ha, thank you for my little chuckle! I like that you have put a label on my blog, albeit a misguided one. And i'm sorry to be a pain, but a small violin just will not do......oh no.....I want a big one.....in fact I want 20. Throw in a couple of cellos for good measure and how about some trumpets as they are jolly spiffin. If it's solely craft you want, may I suggest you bog off this space here and find a 'craft' blog more suited to your taste where your comments will be more valued....or maybe not......

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    2. Well said V! What a cretin!!!

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    3. Indeed, Vanessa, well said ! Looking at all the other comments here, your post was extremely well received and related to I'd say.
      Kate xxx

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  11. that was a beautiful post....thank you ❤️

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  12. I'm glad that you are here, that you have been here and will be here. I think that it is lovely to read about real people doing real things. How lovely of the lady to approach you and chat, and how great that after your initial stumble you conversed with her too. Keep going is all that I can say. xx

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  13. Hi Vanessa, congratulations on five years of sharing yourself and your makes here. I love to visit and hope you keep going for many years to come. I think a blog needs an insight into ourselves occasionally or it's just a lot of pretty pictures with no connection to the person behind them. It's the community we have here that keeps me blogging and you are a wonderful part of it.
    Jacquie xxx

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    1. Thank you Jacquie,

      It's lovely to be part of a community that understands ones love of crafting, but who can also sympathise with a life that so many of us lead. I think it helps so many who perhaps live in areas where community is non existant! x

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  14. Hello Vanessa,
    beautifully words! I very much enjoy coming over to your little space regularly and whilst I LOVE ♥ LOVE ♥ LOVE your photos it's your words that are thought provoking.... I find myself nodding and smile in agreement many times, especially when you write about the lovely Bears! THANK YOU for staying here and sharing some of your thoughts as well as your beautiful photos with us.
    Anna xx

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  15. Dear lovely Vanessa ..... what a beautiful post, I relate so much to what you've just said, you have a wonderful way with words and I regularly read your posts and it seems that you've put into words how I feel too.
    I am thankful for your beautiful and inspiring place here x
    Love Jooles x x x

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  16. Ah Jooles, we breathe the same air don't we xxx

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  17. Such a lovely post Vanessa, one that you will visit years from now hopefully with a smile and a heart full of gratitude that you stuck with it! I've found in my nearly one year of blogging that it gives me a voice that I can't always share with those around me. We are lucky to live in a time when we can reach out to the world and find kindred spirits in places we might never even visit. I enjoy every visit her to Coco Rose, the creativity, the colours, your beautiful photographs, this is a wonderful haven of inspiration for so many! Chrissie x

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    1. I think that's it Chrissie. Family members often know you, but don't get what makes you buzz. The blogging community does and it's lovely to share it with like minded souls! Thank you for your kind words xxx

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  18. You have no idea how much I needed to read this post today. I have not written a blog post in nearly two weeks and was feeling it was time to just give it all up. But I love this little snippet of my life as well. Beautifully written...xo, Patty

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    1. Hi Patty,

      I've been very close to hitting the delete button on this blog, but I have always told myself to give it a few days and I may have a change of heart. I think in the end, it's a nice reminder of a moment of our lives. Hang on in there, you won't regret it!

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  19. I'm glad you're still here too. I'm the opposite in that people probably never notice me at all, which is how I want it. But I'm learning how to come out of my shell a little bit. It's lonely in there sometimes. I'm glad you feel comfortable expressing yourself here. Your blog is lovely and honest and it's blogs like yours which made me want to start blogging too. I followed yours quietly for a long time before making myself known and I think you give a lot of people like us more confidence in themselves.

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  20. It's hard to come out of your shell when you've been in it for so long, but I need to take a leaf out of your book Jennifer! x

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  21. Such an open-hearted message today. I needed to read this. I always beat myself up about blogging and then stopping. I also look to the next person and compare myself. I just see so much on myself in this post!!! The only difference is I have only one young daughter.... and she pretty much sucks the life out of me every single day and my husband is just as needy until I feel completely invisible at times. I love you blog. It's a beautiful place, where I can lose myself. I love stepping into your world, even if it's just a small spot within your world, I love it! It is an escape. A source of motivation, hope and inspiration for me. I also love the honesty. The internet allows for so much false representation... Thank you, and remember: Nothing is all bad, all the time. Hugs, Bri xoxoxo

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  22. Thank you for your comment Bri. I think that's why blogging can have such an importance to someones life. Especially mothers of young children. Their identity gets lost, and blogging is a way of getting back a bit of yourself. A way of feeling less invisible. By connecting with like minded souls either because of a creative love, or just simply being in the same position in life, it reminds you that as a person, you have a lot to give and you can get a lot back from others. My life is far from perfect, it's chaos most of the time, but here, it's my space to be me and capture the moments that impact me the most at this time of my life. To feel how I want and record what I want. It's also lovely to know there are others who view the world as you do. Maybe you never would have found them in your immediate real world surroundings.That's the beauty of blogging. And you are right.....nothing is all bad, all the time x

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  23. I'm so glad you continued blogging and are feeling comfortable in yourself. I too struggle with knowing I look/dress differently from the norm and can't stand the thought of people noticing me (although obviously it does happen.) Awkward to the core. I'll never join the grey and black brigade as I love pattern and colour too much and it's unlikely I'll ever stop feeling socially awkward, but I try my best to feel ok about being "me".

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    1. I think it's an age thing too Jo. The more the years creep behind you, the less you start to care about what others think and start to feel ok about being 'you'. I think we are kindered spirits!

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  24. I think awkward is my word too, and always was, right from when I was little. It doesn't show so much in blogland though! It's so nice to find people with similar interests, and yours is a blog I always really enjoy reading. Well done on five whole years. I've almost done one! Thank you for your lovely posts, and this one which I loved reading.

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    1. I think it's interesting seeing what words we would choose about ourselves. Blogging is great that it takes away a great deal of awkwardness and it's always lovely to find people with a lot of common interests.

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  25. good thinking!!!!
    happy week, xxxxxx Ale

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  26. You are right, your blog will will be a beautiful memoir to look back on. I have books written by my great great grandparents about their lives and I treasure them, this is something that you, your children and beyond will thank you for taking the time to do. I also love popping in and visiting :_)

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    1. I gave journals to my parents and asked them to write down lots of their memories. Ones of being a child, an adolescent and an as an adult. What they remembered of relatives, close and distant. I think it's such a lovely thing to be able to read later in life and have my children and their children read. I watch these shows about people tracing their ancestry. They find their names etc and where they worked, but they don't ever know what they were like. To have memoirs passed down I think is a fabulous thing. Blogging is a little piece of that too x

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  27. What a lovely post.

    I never thought about looking back at the years (I am in my third year) of blogging to see what we were up to.

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    1. I don't go back and read any of my past posts as they are too close to me still, but I am really looking forward to re-reading them in years to come and remembering what my life was like now.x

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  28. We're thankful you're here too!
    Jacqui

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  29. It's a lovely place to be Jacqui! x

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  30. I think there are many kindred spirits here today; thank you Vanessa for bringing us all together through your open honesty. Thank you too for all the encouragement I feel you have given me in starting my blog. It took me months to gather the courage to start but I'm so glad I have....it's such a lovely community.
    With love, Tracey xxx

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    1. I'm glad that you took the plunge Tracey, it really is a lovely community to be in x

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  31. I'm sure you will look back on your blog in years to come and be glad that you continued, even in the times you thought you didn't want to. I haven't had a blog for long, in fact, it was set up about a year before I made my first post, but once I had taken the leap into the unknown, I was glad that I did. I've already 'met' some lovely people and I think it's so important to be in touch with like-minded people who have a genuine interest in what you do. I'm sure that in the future all our blogs will be viewed as important pieces of social history - most of the blogs I visit are craft- or garden-oriented and we are sharing skills that would otherwise die out in this sometimes cheaply manufactured world that we live in. This is a great place to visit and I call in on a regular basis, so thank you for sharing and keep blogging! Have a good week.
    Jane x

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    1. Yes Jane I think that's so true. This community is keep many a craft 'alive' and it's always lovely to share your craft experiences and give help if need be on the subjects to help others. You are right too, I think many blogs of this time will become important pieces of social history x

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  32. Beautifully said...I'm so glad you are here, as well!

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  33. I am sort of new in following your blog but I love hearing your thoughts...you are very down to earth. I like that you value your privacy, at the same time allowing us a peek into your world. I wish there had been such a thing as blogging when I I was a young mother, it can be such a lonely isolating time. I am you, the mom standing alone on the school run, trying to be invisible because I feel I can't relate to the other moms. Awkward. Yes. And here on your blog you can open up, If you can see a reflection in your computer screen, it's safe to say it''s just you.

    XO,
    Jane

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  34. Yes this blogging is a funny thing and kind of strange in many ways but it's good too. Congratulations for keeping at it for 5 years and I hope you'll keep wanting too for a lot longer too :) I know what you mean about being happier with yourself, it's something that I'm getting there with too now I think, although it's taken me a long time. Strangely I think blogging has helped me with that too, it's given me some confidence back that I didn't realise I'd lost.

    S x

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  35. Yes Sandra, I think being in a community where you can be you and indulge in a passion that many have too can really help with inner happiness x

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    1. Sandra - it's interesting you use the phrase 'some confidence back that I didn't realise I'd lost.'
      I found that doing an evening course when my daughter was 2 1/2 made me feel exactly like that! It was like getting a piece of myself back that I didn't realise had been missing. Parenthood definitely does that to you.
      Well, I love reading both of your blogs, and hope to start one soon. I hope it will be half as lovely to look at as yours!
      Bestest wishes x x x

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  36. Wow --awkward is definitely not a word I would have used to describe you. Yere, you come across as being sophisticated, well put together, and living such a beautiful life! What an interesting post. I'm so happy you've stuck with your blog -- Instagram is ok, but it will never have the depth of a blog. IG is like passing someone in the hall -- a blog is like sharing a cup of tea and conversation -- both part of our lives, but one is just so much more meaningful!

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    1. I love your wording to describe IG and Blogging! Spot on! There is no real depth to IG that you get from blogging, which I think I will always like more!

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  37. beautiful said vanessa!!!!
    love and hugs regina

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  38. Such a wonderful honest post, I think we all feel a bit like you, I know I do. Congrats on five years
    Clare x

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    1. Nice to know there are others who feel the same! x

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  39. This has been a post I've read and then re-read. It's honest and wonderful. I've been neglecting my blog recently and even thought maybe close it but I'm now re thinking that. I've not had the best few years and don't want to dwell on that and need to think about taking my blog in a different direction. Thank you for this post, it's really made me think

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    1. Thank you Sandra for commenting. I think the wonderful thing about blogging is that you can take your blog in any direction that you choose. It's your space, and I think as we grow, these spaces will always be evolving, readers too. I just remind myself that this space here is my little log. It's to remind me that when all the world is crazy, there are wonderful things to also remember. I tend to be a glass half empty kind of gal, and think here is a great place to remind myself that there is a lot of loveliness too. x

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  40. Hi Vanessa, I just wanted to send a quick note to say thank you. Thank you for being colourful and inspiring. Thank you for being honest. But for me, most of all I wanted to say thank you for giving me some motivation to get back to my blog. I've been slack. Life got in the way. I have loads of posts in my head but haven't made time to write them down. So I am off to make a very large cup of tea and to sit down and write something. I miss it. You have been a source of inspiration since I first discovered blogs and even though I've popped by infrequently recently. I am always left with a massive surge of inspiration once I've visited you. Isn't it funny to think that your beautiful photos and lovely words can put a smile on the face of someone on the other side of the world. Have a fab week hon.

    Leah
    x

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  41. What a beautiful post! I'm very glad you're here - I may not always comment, but I do so appreciate each post. I love your colours and quirkiness, and really, please, don't change! Just grow!!

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