Life is ever evolving.
I have felt like I have slowly been changing these past couple of years. It is quite a scary thing, especially for someone who is a complete control freak. To have that security that you know who you are, then to begin to feel like you are becoming someone else.......and not of your choosing.
I LOATHE change.
I'll do change
I'll accept change....if it's my idea
If I've thought about it forever in my head that it feels like it's not been sprung on me, then it'll be okay.
Anyone else feel like that?
I know I'm not on my own. Many women experience this. Your kids, suddenly aren't these little beings anymore who solely rely on you. In a blink of an eye (it seems), they are suddenly these big people, who want to (and should) branch out in the world.
These emotional feelings of not really knowing who you are to people day to day, are often accompanied side by side the peri-menopause or menopause. The physical and emotional double whammy just to make it all feel like you have been thrown into a washing machine, and set on a really long, and really rough cycle.
It's a minefield, that so many of us go through and experience. I guess you don't really know how much it displaces you until you are actually slap, bang in the middle of it.
My creative side has taken a back seat for the best part of a year now. It's like it's just upped and left my body. I don't know whether it's a temporary thing, or whether it's really gone for good. I don't know whether it's me thinking that I'm ready to change direction and discover something knew, or whether my love for crochet and making will come back to me. I made a start on two blankets. One is half finished and stares at me half draped over a chair. The other, was going to be a slow grower. A labour of love. One I could pick up and put down when I felt like it. The gaps in between picking it up have been too infrequent. I'm enjoying it when I'm working on it, but that zest for seeing it finished is just lacking. I saw a pattern on pinterest for a lovely jumper, and my interest was slightly peaked.
However, that bit from being interested, to full on excited, just isn't there anymore. I looked at it, looked at yarn on a website, then lost interest. I think it would be cute and fun to make, but I just can get to the 'make' stage.
Maybe my lack of enthusiasm for crafting, is just my body telling me that I need to focus on other things at the moment. Who knows? I'm just trying to go with the flow of it all.
I have been enjoying baking. My waistline hasn't thanked me. Who knew it was totally easy to make your own butter? The satisfaction of making it and then putting it on freshly made bread.....well....there's nothing quite like it
I have been enjoying You Tube more so these days. Slow living vlogs soothe my soul. Beauty and lifestyle vlogs for women more my age suck me in also. As someone who had gone through life really being lazy and neglecting her skin, I thought I ought to get my act together and start to do something about it as I'm nearing the mid century mark. I started watching a couple of vlogs to get an idea of what I really ought to be doing. Self care has always been something that gets a bit lost on me. When you're a busy mum, it's easy to feel the guilt of spending any time on yourself. Plus the fact that I'm quite a lazy person when it comes to skincare etc. I'm a sucker for products, and have the best intentions, but my execution has always been sporadic to say the least. I have been trying really hard to maintain continuity. It's been quite nice to take some time and realise that little rituals really make a difference to how I look and feel.
Here are a some of vlogs I watch just in case anyone fancies a goosie gander. I am sure some of you who are reading this post will be familiar with some crafty vlogs already. I dip in and out as and when I have the time.
Slow Living Vlogs
Beauty and Lifestyle