Life is ever evolving.
I have felt like I have slowly been changing these past couple of years. It is quite a scary thing, especially for someone who is a complete control freak. To have that security that you know who you are, then to begin to feel like you are becoming someone else.......and not of your choosing.
I LOATHE change.
I'll do change
I'll accept change....if it's my idea
If I've thought about it forever in my head that it feels like it's not been sprung on me, then it'll be okay.
Anyone else feel like that?
❤
I know I'm not on my own. Many women experience this. Your kids, suddenly aren't these little beings anymore who solely rely on you. In a blink of an eye (it seems), they are suddenly these big people, who want to (and should) branch out in the world.
These emotional feelings of not really knowing who you are to people day to day, are often accompanied side by side the peri-menopause or menopause. The physical and emotional double whammy just to make it all feel like you have been thrown into a washing machine, and set on a really long, and really rough cycle.
It's a minefield, that so many of us go through and experience. I guess you don't really know how much it displaces you until you are actually slap, bang in the middle of it.
My creative side has taken a back seat for the best part of a year now. It's like it's just upped and left my body. I don't know whether it's a temporary thing, or whether it's really gone for good. I don't know whether it's me thinking that I'm ready to change direction and discover something knew, or whether my love for crochet and making will come back to me. I made a start on two blankets. One is half finished and stares at me half draped over a chair. The other, was going to be a slow grower. A labour of love. One I could pick up and put down when I felt like it. The gaps in between picking it up have been too infrequent. I'm enjoying it when I'm working on it, but that zest for seeing it finished is just lacking. I saw a pattern on pinterest for a lovely jumper, and my interest was slightly peaked.
❤
❤
However, that bit from being interested, to full on excited, just isn't there anymore. I looked at it, looked at yarn on a website, then lost interest. I think it would be cute and fun to make, but I just can get to the 'make' stage.
Maybe my lack of enthusiasm for crafting, is just my body telling me that I need to focus on other things at the moment. Who knows? I'm just trying to go with the flow of it all.
I have been enjoying baking. My waistline hasn't thanked me. Who knew it was totally easy to make your own butter? The satisfaction of making it and then putting it on freshly made bread.....well....there's nothing quite like it
I have been enjoying You Tube more so these days. Slow living vlogs soothe my soul. Beauty and lifestyle vlogs for women more my age suck me in also. As someone who had gone through life really being lazy and neglecting her skin, I thought I ought to get my act together and start to do something about it as I'm nearing the mid century mark. I started watching a couple of vlogs to get an idea of what I really ought to be doing. Self care has always been something that gets a bit lost on me. When you're a busy mum, it's easy to feel the guilt of spending any time on yourself. Plus the fact that I'm quite a lazy person when it comes to skincare etc. I'm a sucker for products, and have the best intentions, but my execution has always been sporadic to say the least. I have been trying really hard to maintain continuity. It's been quite nice to take some time and realise that little rituals really make a difference to how I look and feel.
❤
Here are a some of vlogs I watch just in case anyone fancies a goosie gander. I am sure some of you who are reading this post will be familiar with some crafty vlogs already. I dip in and out as and when I have the time.
Crafty Vlogs
https://www.youtube.com/@talesfromcuckooland
https://www.youtube.com/@Lululovescrochet
https://www.youtube.com/@sewsweetviolet943
https://www.youtube.com/@CherryHeart
https://www.youtube.com/@OllieandBella
https://www.youtube.com/@ElderflowerStitches
https://www.youtube.com/@Kutovakika
https://www.youtube.com/@bythelakeside
Slow Living Vlogs
https://www.youtube.com/@EugeniaDiaz
https://www.youtube.com/@frenchvibes7604
https://www.youtube.com/@Kahvihuone8487
https://www.youtube.com/@LeenaHenningsen
https://www.youtube.com/@LittleHouseOnTheMountain
https://www.youtube.com/@NaturallySilent
https://www.youtube.com/@ilovecybele
Beauty and Lifestyle
https://www.youtube.com/@ScandishHome
https://www.youtube.com/@PrettyOverFifty
https://www.youtube.com/@SpeedBeautybyCarolineBarnes
https://www.youtube.com/@hideawaycottage
https://www.youtube.com/@TheHoodedLid
https://www.youtube.com/@lizearlewellbeing
https://www.youtube.com/@PamperedWolf
https://www.youtube.com/@BlondeTeaParty
https://www.youtube.com/@dominiquesachsetv
https://www.youtube.com/@MadisunGray/featured
https://www.youtube.com/@LisaEldridge
It is great to hear from you and that you are well! A lovely thoughtful post as ever and lots of links now for me to enjoy with a cup of tea. Happy 2023! My eldest boy is edging towards adulthood and I know one by one they will drift from me... I can imagine it is difficult, even while in the middle of a busy time with four boys. x
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah!
DeleteIt's crazy how fast time goes by and your boys just grow and grow. Baby Bear, who is now 16, keeps telling me he can't believe how much he has shot up in the last couple of years! When he was shorter than me, he used to have conversation like "I wonder how long before I overtake you in height mum". He is now much taller than me, and I'm the diddy one of the family! I hope you find a link on you tube that you like!!!!!! xxx
I check periodically to see if there's anything new here. Thanks so much for the update! I look forward to checking out the vlogs. I, too, have been experiencing apathy in relation to creating. Trying to listen to my intuition and respond gently and lovingly. Keep doing what you're doing!
ReplyDeleteHello!
DeleteIt's funny isn't it, how something that can be such a part of you, can just wear off. I am hoping that my creativity will come back to me, but maybe it will be in a new direction. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment xxx
So nice to have another post from you! I hate change too and find my creativity takes a vacation during major changes. It always comes back again even if it takes a couple years. Thank you for the YouTube links. That’s what I’ve been busy with too instead of finishing sewing up my latest afghan. :) Wish you a wonderful day and that your creativity comes back to you soon!
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah,
DeleteMaybe I'll find that too, that when I'm feeling a little more settled, my creativity might come back to me. You can really go down the rabbit hole with you tube can't you! I try very hard to limit myself on devices to have a good balance......but I've discovered some lovely places, great recipe ideas, good gardening tips and great well being tips!!!!!! xxx
It is such a treat to see your wonderful photos and read your words. As someone fully through the menopause all I can say is "hang on in there" ! I realised recently that the brain fog had lifted and I had actually read a book and followed a pattern successfully, oh the joy. It is the bittersweet joy of motherhood that you know you have done your job well when they can flourish without you. I still have a 13 year old daughter at home and I am treasuring these years,even the eyerolls and sulks. She towers over me too. Thank you for posting.
ReplyDeleteHello!
DeleteThank you for your encouragement to "hang on in there". Sometimes I think it really helps just to hear from someone that it's all fine in the end. Brain fog is definitely a symptom I have at the moment. It really is a bittersweet joy of motherhood when your children flourish without you. Baby Bear is 16 and is definitely now preparing to be an adult and move on to a new and more independent stage of his life. I too am soaking up these times, even with the eye rolls and the "why can't I's?"!!!!!! xxx
I jumped for joy when I saw you had posted! I always check to see if there is anything new from you, your words and photos are very calming. I hate change too, but I guess if that’s the way we are we won’t change. I really hope you get your crafting mojo back soon and share some of your makes x
ReplyDeleteHello!
DeleteI seem to be so sporadic with my posts! Maybe because I have such a lack of crafty stuff going on, I don't think that there is much to say (I'm a pretty boring person!). It was so nice to have a catch up though. I do love compiling a post. I know most people have migrated to You Tube Vlogs, both watching and making. Judging by my watch list, I'm a fan of a You Tube Vlog myself, but having a channel for myself isn't something i'd be very good at!!!!! xxx
So nice to read your post. And here is the same.... Change inside and change outside... For me also the crafting has left me. I love to see it but can't start... For me sports have become a great part of my life. Never has been but now I do al lot of cycling en go to the gym. I like the new me now!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the proces! love Claire (haken en meer) (bijClaire)
Hi Claire! Lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well?
DeleteMaybe entering new seasons in life just shifts us a little in what we decide to our give time and effort. Maybe one day we will do a full circle! Take care xxxxx
I'm exactly like you! Hate change and also approaching that mid-century mark.
ReplyDeleteI home educated both my daughters all the way through their schooling career so when they went off to university I have to say that it was very bittersweet. Yes they must and should fledge the nest but no one told me how painful it would be.
I went on to do a degree of my own thinking I would carve out a career in law until I realized that that's not really who I am. In the period of 6 years I've come full circle from being a creative at home, to gaining a degree and working in law and yes, losing my creative mojo, to realizing that I'm quite happy to just be me at home creating lovely yarns, running my own little business, and knitting and stitching.
I feel like this time of life is like a shift in seasons which is a bit all over the place. It takes time to figure things out. Be kind and gentle to yourself :)
Hello Shirley Ann,
DeleteYou are so right about this time of life being like a shift in seasons. I feel discombobulated and not grounded. It's also quite hard, for others in the family, to fully understand it all, when they aren't going through it too. I find that adds pressure for you feel 'fine'. I've recognised that it's a slow process, and to just go with the flow. Take each day as it comes. On the 'difficult' days, I remind myself that the tomorrow will be different to the today. I think so many women feel quite bewildered and alone when they hit this stage of life. Talking about it openly makes you realise you are not. That is hugely comforting. Take care x
Hello! What a lovely surprise to see your post.
DeleteI loathe change! I did before the menopause and I do even more after!!9
Be kind to yourself and definitely do not feel guilty for not being fine. I did and it didn't help at all.
My creative mojo upped and left, I wonder if you need to feel relaxed to be creative?
Slowly , almost imperceptible it returned. A little changed and maybe more enjoyable.
Thank for sharing the blogs, I shall look forward to truffling them out.
Take care of yourself and enjoy each day at a time.
Pamela
Hi Pamela,
DeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one to loathe change! It unsettles me so much. I'm beginning to feel like I am maybe getting a bit of crafting mojo back, but like you, in a different way.
I'm just trying to go with the flow and see where it takes me! My vlog watching list is eclectic, but you might find one or two that you might think are worth a watch!
Take care xxx
We all go through this at one time or another. It will pass and you will be changed slightly or more. Sometimes we just have to find ourselves again as we seem to get lost. You will be fine, and you are definitely NOT alone! I'm taking a break from social media and getting back to blogland that I so much enjoyed but let life get in the way. I just love the slower pace and lovely posts from beautiful souls as yourself. Looking forward to seeing more of your posts. Have a delightful week~
ReplyDeleteHi Angie,
DeleteIt's a comfort to know you are not alone, when, at times, you feel very isolated and alone in what you are experiencing. I do feel a bit adrift at sea, but also like I see glimpses of land. Taking a step back from social media and living solely in the moment has made me become aware of things that I used to love and what made me who I am. We can get so caught up in other peoples lives and loves on the internet that we forget our own. Slower pace and reminding ourselves of who we are can't be a bad thing can it? xxx
I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog. Each time I see a new post pop up it's like a treat in my day! Thank you for taking the time to share with the world. As my kids are getting bigger, it's so comforting to hear from other mum's who are going through similar feelings. And as far as crafting mojo goes, mine definitely ebbs and flows based on life demands and general mood. Thanks again for the lovely photos and blog.
ReplyDeleteHello! Thank you so much for your kind comments. It really is so comforting to know that other mum's experience the same thing and that you are not alone. There really are ebbs and flows in life xxx
DeleteI'm a bit late with this one, but I've been reading your blog for a while now and just wanted to say how much I enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI find it really relaxing having a peek at your beautiful home and your lovely blanket creations and the lovely colours that you use, there's something very comforting about it. Like others have commented, I often check to see if you have a new post and its always a treat when one comes up. Being a woman of a certain age I can relate to a lot of your comments and I hope that you can get your creative mojo back as you are so talented and make such beautiful things. I've just picked up my needles again after a long dry spell as I have been spurred on by the birth of my beautiful Granddaughter. I'm looking forward to reading your next post and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your lovely creations and ideas with us.
Thank you so much for your kind comments. My creative mojo is slowly coming back and that is making me very happy. It feels like I'm slowly coming home after being adrift at sea for a while. It's a good feeling. Keep an eye out for my next post. It shouldn't be too long! Take care xxx
Delete