Evolving and Simple Pleasures........

Life is ever evolving.

I have felt like I have slowly been changing these past couple of years. It is quite a scary thing, especially for someone who is a complete control freak. To have that security that you know who you are, then to begin to feel like you are becoming someone else.......and not of your choosing.

I LOATHE change. 

I'll do change

I'll accept change....if it's my idea

If I've thought about it forever in my head that it feels like it's not been sprung on me, then it'll be okay.

Anyone else feel like that?

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I know I'm not on my own. Many women experience this. Your kids, suddenly aren't these little beings anymore who solely rely on you. In a blink of an eye (it seems), they are suddenly these big people, who want to (and should) branch out in the world.

These emotional feelings of not really knowing who you are to people day to day, are often accompanied side by side the peri-menopause or menopause. The physical and emotional double whammy just to make it all feel like you have been thrown into a washing machine, and set on a really long, and really rough cycle. 

It's a minefield, that so many of us go through and experience. I guess you don't really know how much it displaces you until you are actually slap, bang in the middle of it.

My creative side has taken a back seat for the best part of a year now. It's like it's just upped and left my body. I don't know whether it's a temporary thing, or whether it's really gone for good. I don't know whether it's me thinking that I'm ready to change direction and discover something knew, or whether my love for crochet and making will come back to me. I made a start on two blankets. One is half finished and stares at me half draped over a chair. The other, was going to be a slow grower. A labour of love. One I could pick up and put down when I felt like it. The gaps in between picking it up have been too infrequent. I'm enjoying it when I'm working on it, but that zest for seeing it finished is just lacking. I saw a pattern on pinterest for a lovely jumper, and my interest was slightly peaked.

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 However, that bit from being interested, to full on excited, just isn't there anymore. I looked at it, looked at yarn on a website, then lost interest. I think it would be cute and fun to make, but I just can get to the 'make' stage.

Maybe my lack of enthusiasm for crafting, is just my body telling me that I need to focus on other things at the moment. Who knows? I'm just trying to go with the flow of it all.

I have been enjoying baking. My waistline hasn't thanked me. Who knew it was totally easy to make your own butter? The satisfaction of making it and then putting it on freshly made bread.....well....there's nothing quite like it

   

I have been enjoying You Tube more so these days. Slow living vlogs soothe my soul. Beauty and lifestyle vlogs for women more my age suck me in also. As someone who had gone through life really being lazy and neglecting her skin, I thought I ought to get my act together and start to do something about it as I'm nearing the mid century mark. I started watching a couple of vlogs to get an idea of what I really ought to be doing. Self care has always been something that gets a bit lost on me. When you're a busy mum, it's easy to feel the guilt of spending any time on yourself. Plus the fact that I'm quite a lazy person when it comes to skincare etc. I'm a sucker for products, and have the best intentions, but my execution has always been sporadic to say the least. I have been trying really hard to maintain continuity.  It's been quite nice to take some time and realise that little rituals really make a difference to how I look and feel. 

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Here are a some of vlogs I watch just in case anyone fancies a goosie gander. I am sure some of you who are reading this post will be familiar with some crafty vlogs already. I dip in and out as and when I have the time.

Crafty Vlogs

https://www.youtube.com/@talesfromcuckooland

https://www.youtube.com/@Lululovescrochet

https://www.youtube.com/@sewsweetviolet943

https://www.youtube.com/@CherryHeart

https://www.youtube.com/@OllieandBella

https://www.youtube.com/@ElderflowerStitches

https://www.youtube.com/@Kutovakika

https://www.youtube.com/@bythelakeside

Slow Living Vlogs

https://www.youtube.com/@EugeniaDiaz

https://www.youtube.com/@frenchvibes7604

https://www.youtube.com/@Kahvihuone8487

https://www.youtube.com/@LeenaHenningsen

https://www.youtube.com/@LittleHouseOnTheMountain

https://www.youtube.com/@NaturallySilent

https://www.youtube.com/@ilovecybele

Beauty and Lifestyle

https://www.youtube.com/@ScandishHome

https://www.youtube.com/@PrettyOverFifty

https://www.youtube.com/@SpeedBeautybyCarolineBarnes

https://www.youtube.com/@hideawaycottage

https://www.youtube.com/@TheHoodedLid

https://www.youtube.com/@lizearlewellbeing

https://www.youtube.com/@PamperedWolf

https://www.youtube.com/@BlondeTeaParty

https://www.youtube.com/@dominiquesachsetv

https://www.youtube.com/@MadisunGray/featured

https://www.youtube.com/@LisaEldridge

Walks out and about have been lovely recently. 

......and cuddles with this one.....

It's full on summer weather at the moment. I have been waking up with the sunrise. I so love this time of year. Waking up at 4ish and just listening to the birds. That first morning brew in total quiet listening to the day slowly wake from its slumber. One of my favourite song lyric lines is from Kate Bush's song 'Nocturn'.

Look at the light......all the time it's changing, and all the dreamers are waking.

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xxx

Spring 2020......

Well......who'd have thought 2020 would turn out to be like this? A year not easily to be forgotten that's for sure.

I walked into 2020 with such a heavy heart. Trying to deal with the grief of the loss of my brother has weighed so heavy on my soul. My new companion, Minnie, and my crafty love managed to drag me into 2020 with a little more lightness. Getting out for walks with her everyday lifted my mood......and of course, making accessories to cope with the outdoor winter weather helped no end. I did make rather a lot of hats! Worth their weight in gold I can tell you.

I used this pattern here if you are interested

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As I write, we are still in the midst of lockdown of sorts. Four weeks now of utter anxiety, uncertainty and weirdness.

Whilst all in my little bubble are at home and some working from home, I am classed as a key worker ....so my days are still the same, but not the same. Just add a big dollop of stress and that's about it.

On my days off, I have been trying to just be calm and focus on all the things that make me happy. Crochet of course! I made a start on a blanket.....obviously a blanket....what else could I possibly think of doing?!

A picture on Pinterest caught my eye. I wished it hadn't........but you know......once you see something and it embeds in your memory, it's a hard thing to ignore. Ignore it I tried, because it was VERY similar to a blanket that almost killed me to make. It just wouldn't go from my head. It was an Irish Chain Quilt pattern. I made a crochet version of an Irish Chain Quilt that I had seen Alicia Paulson make on her blog. I can't sew. I loved the pattern, and I loved the colours and it was basically squares joined together. Easy peasy crochet then. The problem was the vast amount of squares. If you have read this blog for a while, you know that me and small blankets just aren't a thing. I kid myself it's because I want them big enough for all the family to snuggle under. Whilst the family have had MANY a snuggle together under my blankets, the real answer is that I'm utterly pants at planning, and the blankets just always end up huge because I have no size awareness.

The first blanket took forever, and I DID NOT enjoy it's process......HOWEVER, I utterly loved the result. You can be reminded of it with the snippets from this post . 

I don't think I ever managed to photograph this blanket in all it's glory. It does deserve a post all of its own really. I should do that. The blanket still has a thread hanging from it as I couldn't decide whether to make a border for it. I still can't! It was a bit like having a baby. The birthing process is incredibly unpleasant, but you soon forget about all the pain when you stare at something so beautiful. 

Well, I must have forgotten about all the pain, because sure enough, I wanted to make another one. The new blanket was slightly easier. Less squares in the pattern, bigger squares. This time also.......

I WAS GOING TO PLAN IT!!!!! 

I had wanted a very soft and pastel blanket. I was loving the colours on the ZARA HOME website.....mainly in their kids section. I'm still very much needing the calm of pastels and soft hues. That sealed it for me. I worked up several sized squares, planned how many squares I would need, and what the sizes would be with each square to get the right size blanket. I then weighed the yarn amounts for each square to get an idea of the yarn quantities I would need to order. That way I wouldn't do my usual of not enough yarn and dye lot issues. Chart mapped out. Yarn ordered. A VERY excited me.

I felt so smug I can tell you. After years of never planning any blankets, this was my first. I was actually doing everything right.

Except I wasn't

It was pretty clear after the first two rows that my blanket was going to be another HUGE one. I hadn't planned on a really small one, but I hadn't planned on a huge one either. Seriously, even when I plan, I can't do it right! Just goes to show! Not sure how on earth I managed to get it so wrong.

It wasn't total chaos. I just made the width into the length (as the pattern allowed me to work it like that) and then cut off quite a few planned rows. It's fine. The pattern still works. I just worked it that I'd lose a couple of repeat rows. I just had a fair bit of leftover yarn now!!!!!!!

So....on the lockdown days, I had been calming my anxiety with this blanket. I was loving making it. No stress. Really enjoying it. Then I suddenly decided that Minnie, my sweet puppy, needed her own blanket ASAP. It was always my plan to make her a blanket of her own, but for some reason, it needed to be now.....and I had plenty of leftover yarn!

I think she gave me her seal of approval. At every opportunity when I had it on my lap, she was on me....on it.

The beautiful weather on the lockdown has helped enormously. The puppy has really blossomed and has loved just being with me sitting in the garden whilst I work away on her blanket. I have soaked up her comfort. She has been such a tonic over these last few months helping with my grief.

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Ahhhhhhh just look at those colours. that just brings me so much happiness. My last few blankets have been in these shades. I feel like I really need them at the moment. They are soothing, and calming, and they scream comfort and big enveloping hugs.

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Easter came and went. A strange one. I have (like us all) struggled with not seeing my outer family. However, technology is a wonderful thing. My mum and I have been replacing our coffee mornings with virtual Facetime coffee mornings. We grab a coffee and then have a Facetime chat catching up with the news and showing each other our latest projects. It makes all this bearable.

It has been hard having everyone on top of each other at home all the time. Our tiny little home is bursting to the brim. Finding somewhere to have a quiet few minutes is nigh on impossible. Trying to homeschool is a challenge. The lovely weather has meant at least I can sit outside and work a few rows of crochet. I am thankful for our tiny little garden space. It is really just the size of a postage stamp, but I have never been more grateful for it.

Whilst being drawn to the soothing and the pastels, I started playing around with my beads again. I haven't dipped into them for such a long time, but I wanted had a real urge to have Rose Quartz and Amazonite around my neck and wrists again. Those have always been my favourites to work with. I don't know if it's the placebo effect, but I find them so calming. When I wear anything that has the stones in, I feel very calm. When I am anxious or stressed I like to have something around my neck that I can just stroke with my hands. The colours of Amazonite and Rose Quartz have always featured heavily in my home colours and in my crafting. Can you tell?!!!!

Actually, the necklaces I made in this picture aren't either of those gemstones, but I have loved making and wearing them. I wanted really long necklaces and didn't have enough of either beads to create something so long so these made do. I have more beads on order and I'm super excited to get them and get beady creative.

I have a couple of knitting projects that I would like to start after I finish the two blankets. I realise that I need more stitch markers.....so my plan is to make myself some gemstone stitch markers. I would like to carry the calmness over into my knitting. Heaven knows I think I'm going to need all the calm I can get. Knitting just doesn't come easily to me. Maybe if I actually spent a good portion of my time knitting and trying to get better at it, that might help me!

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I have baked a fair bit. 

I have also put on a fair bit of weight that has come with aforementioned baking. 

It's actually annoying that it's turning out so well. I would have given up if my fist attempt would have been awful. Bread is my complete downfall. Warm, crusty bread with melted butter. Hummmmmmm bliss. Not bliss for the old waistline. Need to do something about that soon. The Bears are very happy with my daily bread making arrangement, but they are just not quick enough to beat me to the first few (or ten) slices each day!

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So.....that is my Spring. Two blankets in the making. Weird days. and other bits and pieces planned for the summer. If lockdown continues for a much greater length of time, I may be even more productive than I could have ever imagined.

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Lets see what Summer 2020 holds........

Take care and stay safe everyone.

XXX

I'll Remind You........

Dear You,

Yes......it has been a year.

Yes....it feels weird now. I'm not sure what I am doing. I'm not sure you reading this, when you finally get to read it.....re-read it, what you will make of it. You might laugh....and think 'Ness, you IDIOT', or you might be a little happy that you thought to jot a few things down. After all, you could be reading this when you are ninety......hey, you might even be grateful your younger self thought to do this.

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So.......it's been a year since you closed this little space. Twelve months of you being away. Twelve whole months when so much has happened, yet so little has happened.

I'll remind you that you decided you had nothing left in you to write about. I'll remind you that you thought it was a little repetitive. I'll remind you that you needed to stop.......and just be still.

I will remind you, that you thought this was a naff idea to write a post after you had 'closed' your blog. I will remind you that you wondered why you should not just buy a diary and write in it, then shove it to the back of a drawer. I'll remind you, that you thought you might cave and press 'delete' quite a few times. I'll remind you, that if your younger self actually published it, it was to do with the fact that she was scatty and thought it was best to have everything in one place where it could be located. Plus, in a brief wave of abandonment, you thought it was your blog and you could do what you liked with it.

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I will remind you that 2016 was a difficult year, in so many ways, and for so many people. It was a year in which so many people felt scared and uncertain. It was a year when so many people felt like they didn't know anything anymore. It was a year in which so many felt like they were standing on quick sand, and not firm rock.

It was a year when there was so much more bad news in the world than there was good. It was a year when people just wanted to hide away from it all. It was a year, quite frankly, a lot of people were happy to draw a line under and move on from. I'll remind you, that you found it weird, that you didn't meet anyone who thought it had been an okay year....if not in the bigger picture, not even in their own little bubble of achievements. You were sure there must have been though.

I shall remind you that, for you, this was a strange year. A year that you felt you needed to hibernate. A year long hibernation. A year where your creative juices really didn't flow. A year where you felt you were totally spent, and just needed to re-group.

I'll remind you that you sucked at housework and ironing. I'll remind you that you enjoyed reading books again, and I'll remind you that you always need to be in the right frame of mind to decorate.

I will remind you that you that although your creative juices just sort of stopped, it was the year of embroidery for you, and you spurted those out in the vain hope that it would jolt you back in the game. Whilst you liked the embroidered outcomes, and the speediness of them, they did not jolt you sadly. It was only in the final weeks of 2016 that you picked up your hook to see if the crochet love was still there.

I will remind you that 2016 was the year of reflection and procrastination. Not that it was any different to all the years before when you were like that, but because you seemed to have nothing to show for the year (creatively speaking), it appeared that the year was a wash out.

Having said that......

I shall remind you that your three bears have spent 2016 blossoming, and you write about them with huge pride and love. Big Bear started college and turned into the gentleman you always knew he would become.  You find it funny his most treasured friend is a can of hairspray, but you love how he doesn't want to shove you to one side when you are both walking down the street and he sees his mates.

I shall remind you that Middle Bear is way too funny. I shall remind you that he is the best person to have at the dinner table, and I shall remind you that 2016 was the year the hormones settled down and you realised just how amazing he was when he was not grunting. You also realised what great bear hugs he gave.

I shall remind you that Baby Bear is super. I shall remind you that everyday when he comes out of school he asks how you day was, way before he tells you about his day. I will remind you that he loves to do stuff to put a smile on your face, and I will remind you that this was the year that the Three Bears bickered the least!

I will remind you that 2016 told you, yet again, how fragile life could be. I will remind you that it felt tough being an adult when you still, at times, felt like a child in your head. I will also remind you that you realised that you just couldn't solve everything for everyone. Sometimes you just had to be there, and that was enough.

I'll remind you that early morning cups of tea with the fairy lights twinkling on the Christmas tree in a quiet house, is one of the best things EVER. I shall remind you that you are never too young for kids birthdays cakes AND I shall also remind you that you were so glad you discovered double cleansing (how's that working out for you? Is it paying off?!)

I shall also remind you dearest Ness, that you decided that whatever 2017 had in store for you, you felt ready to wake up from your hibernation, well rested and have a productive and creative year ahead.  

Vanessa, I hope you will look on this post, when you do, and remember all that which you have forgotten. A post about your year. Maybe, if you have it in you, you'll post again next year to remember 2017. I guess it's nice to remember....the good....and even the not so good. There is always something to be learned from everything one experiences. 

Until next time....maybe x

Busy....Busy.....Busy...

Never fear.... I did say I'd get a couple of posts in before I finished blogging at the end of the year!

Oh My Word.  December always seems to be the quickest month of the year. You reach the first and you're all like 'yeah, yeah, I still have plenty of time'.....then in a blink of an eye, it's the middle of the month, and you start to panic. You don't know where a couple of weeks have gone and you suddenly realise you still have A LOT to do. This month has been MANIC. Manic I tell you. I feel like my head is somewhere and my body is somewhere else. In between school stuff, work and housework, I have been trying to get some Christmas cheer in. I made a homemade advent Calendar. Now, I know I am not alone in making use of the Bon Maman jars when all the rich sugary jam has been used, but did you know Bon Maman did a cook book? In honesty, it's not really a cook book for me. Jam is used on toast, crumpets and dolloped right in the middle of porridge or rice pudding....and that's about all I want it for. However, The clever Bon Maman lot realise that us crafters find uses for these nifty jars; and at the back of the cook book have put some ideas down. I like the idea of using them for hyacinths. Anyone following me for some time, will know my love for hyacinths, and this is one time of year when I am able to indulge in it. Funnily enough though, all my hyacinths at the moment have come in three's so it's been a tad difficult to shove those in a jar. Never mind I have a few jars at the ready for when I do. Anyway, I digress, They also had a rather nifty idea making use of the mini Bon Maman jars. I ADORE these cute little jars, and they are perfect for storing teeny tiny things. There was a lovely little crafty idea for using the mini jars to make an advent calendar. All in whites and reds, well that took my fancy. 

Had it all been left to me, it would have been a straight cardboard box made to house them in, but someone made me a rather lovely big box to place them in. Festive string and a bit of holly and voila. Filled with Hershey Kisses, but I was thinking, that throughout next year, I will buy little trinkets and bits like cheap ear studs, etc to fill in some of the jars. A little bit of a festive treat for mum when she is battling the busiest month of the year! I thought it would be a lovely thing to make and fill for a daughter. I'm not so sure that it would work with boys so much as you need really little things to fit in the jars. Little hair clips, stickers, accessories, etc are so much easier. I thought perhaps though for boys, that lego bits might work. Perhaps a little lego set that you divide up into the jars and at the end you get the instructions to build something. I don't know, but I do know that I shall enjoy the little chocolate treats for myself this year and will very much enjoy the other little treats next year! ha ha!

Okay, back to the hyacinths. Gosh I am loving having these beauties in the house. I have found lots of pots to put them in, and a trip to the Garden Centre saw me pad everything out with moss. 

I have seed lights everywhere too at the moment. Such cute little lights. I'm not sure I can bear to put them away after Christmas. These may stay out all year round all over the place.

All the decs have been brought out and I am having a dilemma as to what my winter mantel will be this year. Too many Christmas knick knacks and not enough display space. Typical of me and it really should tell me something.

The gingerbread house has been done. Cheating slightly with a shop bought one...which is even more unforgivable since I have recently purchased a gingerbread book, but speed was of the essence here, and I don't ever confess to being some superhuman woman. Errrrr no. Buy it if it helps is my motto.

Baby Bear LOVED decorating it. I do love making Christmas stuff with the Bears. The elder Bears are not so keen now, but Baby Bear still loves it.

I found this little lady in a shop. She seems too good to put on the tree. She reminded me of Vanessa Cabban and her beautifully talented sculptures she did. I still miss her terribly here in blogland, and I thought this cutie seemed a fitting reminder of her. I might even make her an apron as a fitting homage to Vanessa. I think she shall be kept year round on my bedside table.



Another thing that has been so much fun, was something I saw on good old pinterest and I knew I had to try it.....

Yes, just look at those. Gorgeous brightly coloured mini pom poms already to make.......

these!

Gosh, I can't tell you how much fun we had with these. My intention was to go out foraging for pine cones in our local Forest, but I walked into Hobbycraft and this gorgeous Christmas scent hit me. There were bags and bags of pine cones for sale that were cinnamon scented. The smell was intoxicating and I knew straight away that these would be perfect to put the pom poms on. Boy, were they steeped in cinnamon oil! My car STANK on the way home! All Christmassy though, so I can't complain, but hung on the Christmas tree  they look awesome. I found another bag of smaller cinnamon scented ones from another shop too, so I think I may just have pom pom cone overload, but at least the house will smells nice!

Actually, the house smells really christmassy. The tree smells lovely, and so do the pine cones on it. I usually have a pan on the hob simmering with cloves, oranges and cinnamon when I am in the kitchen. I have figgy pudding candles in the living room along with figgy pudding diffusers (which smell like cookie dough) dotted throughout the house. Really rather yummy. Some of the Hyacinths have come out and the scent is wafting from those. Bliss really.

This morning, Michael Bublé is singing his Christmassy dulcet tones whilst the lights twinkle and I think about getting my bum into gear to wrap a little after the chores are done.

So, December is in full swing. I am trying to enjoy the rare moments of calm. It's been so much fun making stuff. I have brown clay and brown paper to make gingerbread tree decs this year. I hope I will have time. I am enjoying the scented candles, the twinkly lights and the the cosy evenings. I cannot wait for the hyacinths to burst open and fill the air with their gorgeous scent (before it turns all pungent and rather niffy!), and I just remembered I need to bring in my potted geraniums whilst they are still blooming outside. Wow, it's been so mild. I did the school walk this morning in just a light shirt and poncho. Really? In December? Weird weather. I'm usually trussed up in winter coat, scarf, gloves and all manner of thermals.

I am loving this December, which is unusual for me. I feel festive and happy, and I'm really looking forward to the new year and the crafty exploits I have in mind. Crochet is way down on the list of things at the moment, but I am itching to get my teeth into something substantial. I know once January comes and all is back to its usual pace, then I can really go to town on all my plans for yarny goodness. I have been eyeing up some new yarn I want to try and colourways, and that's rather exciting.

I have Big Bear's Birthday just before Christmas. He is rather excited....and keeps hugging me! I don't know if this display of affection is his way of trying to sneak in a few more pressies, but his excitement coupled with Baby Bear's Christmassy enthusiasm is making the house quite a lively one.

Cheesy Christmas movies are on a lot. They are truly AWFUL, but very Christmassy. Big Bear and I usually snuggle and watch one after School. It's a lot of fun as we seem to laugh a lot at the hammy-ness of them and predict the acting. Oh little things.......

Before I go, I also wanted to say a huge and heartfelt thank you for all your comments and your private emails on my previous post. Forgive me for not replying to each and everyone of your comments on the post, but they were all read, and I felt very humbled that you took the time to do so.

Although sad to be saying goodbye to this space here at the end of the month, I won't be completely gone, and it's been so lovely of many of you to find me over on Flickr, Ravelry and Pinterest. Some of you have asked me to confirm my user names on these sites. I am Stripey Mooka on Flickr and Pinterest and stripey-mooka on Ravelry. And, like I said, I shall still be around commenting on other blogs and posts, and I'm still contactable should you have any queries on any makes I've made and posted about (or you just want to say 'hi'). Just email me through my email link or comment on any  posts and I shall get back to you. So, It's not REALLY a complete goodbye is it?




xxx